Toast of London

You know what they say, 'an actor cannot truly call himself an actor until he's performed at the Globe'. That, and never work with animals. London is having the hottest weather since weather began, Ed's Australian nephew has come to say, and the latest fad of 'Blue Spruce' furniture is spreading like wild fire. When Toast begs Jane to get him in at the Globe Theatre, he's less than impressed with the director, Daz Klondyke, who's rumoured to be the hottest thing in UK theatre. However when he's cast in Klondyke's all-dog version of Twelfth Night, it's not long before Toast gets his fingers burnt as he tries to become a real actor.

Toast and Ed are tasked with collecting legendary actor, and drinker, Ormond Sacker from rehab. After a number of failed attempts things begin to look up when Sacker is cast alongside Toast in West End play Man of Sex. Toast, meanwhile, is dating Varrity Map, a doctor of drumming, and despite his ex-wife Ellen bringing out an autobiography, he is determined not to be affected by her no-doubt slanderous comments about him. But when Varrity's rhythm starts to grow irritating and Sacker succumbs to the booze after the opening night, Toast has to deal not only with his nemesis Ray Purchase but Ray's 'even worse' twin brother.

Persuaded by Jane at the promise of a potential role as the British Attach� in Kevin Spacey's House of Cards, Toast takes part in a Royal Variety Performance hosted by Bob Monkhouse. While Toast is trying to cope with Monkhouse's constant jokes and the strain of working with Ray Purchase yet again, Scramble Studio's Danny Bear is getting ready for a life-changing operation. When it's time to go under the knife, however, it seems Ed's recommended 'surgeon' may cut a few corners to save a bob or two. And although Toast's legendary Sand Dance performance might go well, he still doesn't have a clue what Monkhouse is on about.

Toast experiences the charisma of Mad Men star Jon Hamm.

Toast's romance with a weather girl is thrown into jeopardy when he and Ed are asked to judge an international beauty contest.

Live on chat show Lorraine Toast tells a tale that could not only topple the US Government but also destroy the entire world. Meanwhile, he's got an outdoor production of Macbeth to prepare for.

An old heartbreaker flame of Toast's, Lorna Wynde, turns up in London, but is she still in love with him, or is she trying to make her husband, Josh Homme, jealous?

Toast is very excited to land a major role in a big movie, but when his co-star, Max Gland, has an accident on set, it has terrifying consequences for Toast's role.

After the tragic death of his friend Axel Jacklin, Britain's finest exponent of acting in high winds, Toast finds himself in demand for dramatic roles.

A return to the West End stage in the legendary 'whodunnit' play "The Moosetrap" is seriously jeopardised when Toast reveals the killer's identity in a radio interview.

After Ray Purchase snitches on him to the 'Tax People', Toast receives a massive tax bill, and is forced to take on some unappealing jobs to pay off the debt.

Toast is intrigued to find that Ed is entering a Celebrities and Prostitutes Blow Football Tournament. It's an annual event organized by Ed's showbiz charity, The River Rats. Ed suggests that Toast enter too. Toast accepts the invitation, and as he is 'fiercely competitive in everything', soon becomes obsessed with winning the tournament.

After losing �20,000 to Andrew Lloyd Webber in a celebrity poker game, Toast finds himself being hunted by musical superstar and part-time theatre-land enforcer, Michael Ball. Needing cash quick, a desperate Toast agrees to dub some gay art house porn. When his nemesis, Ray Purchase, catches him in bed with his wife again, Toast is caught up in a life or death showdown with both Purchase and Ball on the stage of his appalling play... Meanwhile his agent, Jane Plough, thinks he may have won the role of James Bond, if he survives.

Toast is fed up with his current jobs. With the help of a new agent, Brooke Hooberman, he tries his hand at a new career; an author of erotic literature. He also finds himself a glamorous new lady friend, Kate Khan, who would be perfect if she didn't have her deaf, dumb and blind aunt constantly in tow.

Toast's new girlfriend, the aristocratic Portia de Coogan, thinks it's about time Toast met her father, Lord Fotheringham. To make the best impression, it's vital Toast works on his non-existent sense of humour. Professionally, some voiceover work for the Royal Navy leads to a terrifying visit to the launch of their latest submarine - The Penetrator.

Toast is caught in the middle of an acrimonious and expensive divorce so he needs to find a lot of cash, fast. Given two potential solutions; a starring role in a new feature film being made by a rich Arab billionaire or a laxative ad, he plumps for the former, despite the protestations of his agent, Jane Plough. But given the content of the movie, has Toast made the right decision?

Toast's excitement at winning a part in a new play is tempered by two facts. One, his nemesis Ray Purchase is also in it. Two, there's a rumour his director, Acker Herron, has a history of murdering difficult actors. Romantically, Toast has to choose between his old RADA contemporary, the fun-loving and beautiful Greta Cargo and a prostitute...

Things are looking up for Steven. His agent Jane Plough gives him some exciting news: he's won a 'Best Actor' award from trendy Bra'z' Magazine. Toast is also getting more than a bit of attention from the ladies; celebrity journalist Susan Random and the beautiful, but slightly unhinged, Jemima Gina. Meanwhile Toast's flatmate Ed Howzer-Black has invited his old friend Kikini Bamalaam, the daughter of the Nigerian ambassador, to stay. Kikini is recovering from her latest botched cosmetic surgery and now closely resembles a very famous showbiz personality.